It doesn’t happen all at once, but is a process of numerous events on a time line. For some people, this timeline is relatively short. For others, it’s really long. I would say I’m in the middle of this timeline.

To me, it is about thinking more. I feel that in my childhood, I spent most of my time concerned with my self. With eating things I liked or doing things I liked, like reading. But as I become more mature older, I think more. A lot my thinking is daydreaming. But some of it is actually about life, the world and some pretty big questions.

I would say, growing up has to do with learning about how you fit into the world, and what it means to you. As a child, the world is full of pain and pleasures. For me, it was pretty basic. Pain was when I injured myself while playing a sport or walking into a wall (I do that a lot…).

But high school has been more about abstract things as opposed to the physicality of childhood. Figuring out where my political ideologies are at. Figuring out what is more important to me in a job, fulfillment or making money. Realizing that I don’t have the time to do everything, so some things will not get done. And figuring out what on earth I plan to do with my life after I graduate high school.

Trying to figure out what to do after high school is paralyzing to say the least. I tend to either avoid or obsess over complex choices. A form of the fight and flight response, I suppose. Right now, I choose to flee. I don’t know what I would be happy doing for decades. Day in and day out. Nothing really. I hate doing the same thing repetitively.

I can’t decide what I do want to do but I know what I strongly dislike doing. Somehow, this doesn’t get me any closer to figuring out the solution to this conundrum. And I’m procrastinating while writing this because I have so many assignments I need to finish, but I had to write out my thoughts as a way to clear my mind a bit.

That’s it for my short, impromptu post. Until next time!

03/18/2017

Image: Google, Pixabay

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